Conversations With a Bull

Macrobe:"Hey, why don't you stay home? This isn't your home!"

Bull: [looking up slowly, chewing]"There's green grass here. I like it here. You gotta problem with that?"

Marcrobe: "Well, yes. You're leaving cow pies all over the place. They'll be petrified cow frisbees and smother the grass underneath."

Bull: [still chewing]"So. What goes in, comes out eventually."

Macrobe: [sighing] "Hey, you're shedding. You look like you have a skin disease or something."

Bull: [reaching back to scrath his side with his teeth]"Yeah, I itch. Oh, I was scrathing myself on that fence post over there and pushed it down. Sorry about that."

Macrobe: [rolling eyes and big sigh] "Great. I've been renovating an acre of fencing and you have to contribute to more repair needs. And don't scratch yourself on my trees; you'll push those down."

Bull: "Hmmsshss...sshdeessshh...." [emitting glutteral sounds while chewing off my grass]

Macrobe: "What's with these big white birds hanging around you? Are they your buddies, or your stooges?"

Bull: "They're cattle egrets, silly human. My shuffling feet stir up insects in the ground and these guys eat them as fast as they appear. The slower I move, the more they like me. They eat mice, too, so don't complain."

Macrobe: "If they eat fire ants, I'll pay them. Or you can stay here forever."

Macrobe: "I'm not complaining. I find the companionship fascinating and even pretty, considering the stark whiteness of the birds against the dark grass and color of the cows."
[whispering so as not to offend the nearby egrets]"Why do they sway their heads back and forth when they follow you? Are they dancing? or have mites in their ears?"

Bull: [sighing] "No, silly human. Look at how their eyes are placed. Insects are fast. Swaying their heads not only helps them see but, according to one wise egret years ago, it also helps their balance."

Macrobe: "Okay. Well, lets agree to respect each other's space. You stay there, and I'll go about what I have to do."
"Oh, and by the way, I highly recommend you stay away from the cows next door. The bull that lives there is nearly twice as big as you. He will kick your ass."