Life as a human chameleon

Two common words used amongst autistics (and in the autism literature) are 'masking' and 'camouflaging'.  As a late-diagnosed adult Asperger's (on the autism spectrum), I had no idea what they meant except for their literal meaning. At the time of my (unofficially official) diagnosis in 2007 it was referred to as 'coping'. That superficially described it and I left it at that, continuing on in my own uniformed default way: coping. 

In my post of 'coming out' as an older woman on the autism spectrum (Asperger's), I explained why I hid my diagnosis for 16 years. I spent five decades coping as a stranger in a strange land, constantly asking myself "Why am I so different?", and feeling very alone in my version of reality. But I had learned to cope for the most part. As I mentioned elsewhere, I felt fine most of the time. But don't know if that's because I've dealt with it, or if I've buried it. Now I know it was both.

I interpret masking as intentionally 'wearing a mask' to hide my weirdness (which I heard frequently). Camouflage to me was interpreted as subconsciously chosen or learned behavior. As a teen and early adult I used to call the former 'games' or 'playing games'. I learned the rules (expectations) and would intentionally pretend, or not, to follow the rules. Only in retrospect did I realize that in the past I was subconsciously learning and developing strategies to interact within the neurotypical world. It was somewhat Pavlovian.

The latter was pointed out to me during my diagnosis inquiry after I mentioned two key personal accounts: my father was also Asperger's (undiagnosed; there wasn't such a thing back then), as was my closest (ever) adult friend (also Asperger's). 

I realized consciously by observation that my father was very different from other male adults/fathers: he had no social skills, no common sense, didn't like close contact, didn't talk much, had exceptional memory, and was a polymath. And I was aware of the consequences of his weirdness, such as coping with alcohol abuse and being ostracized. It was suggested that I learned some coping skills from that awareness without consciously understanding. My mother, on the other hand, picked up on it, confirmed by her frequent exasperations of "You're just like your father!!"

Decades later, a very close adult friend, 15 years younger than I, was Asperger's. We shared many personal 'secrets' about ourselves, during which I realized he was similar to my father's behavior. I recommended that he learn the same coping skills I had learned: observe and mimic neurotypical people. Unaware that I myself had done the same.

It was pointed out to me that I was sharing the same 'coping' mechanisms (masking and camouflaging) that I intentionally and subconsciously used for all those years. Because I was also Asperger's, which is highly inheritable. 

Meeting a few other Autistics late in life has finally made me feel comfortable in my own skin. I've also been researching the biology, genetics, psychology, and sociology of being Asperger's.[1] One common trait in most (if not all) neurodiverse people is to  'mask' and 'camouflage.' They are common coping mechanisms to navigate in the dominant reality of neurotypical people. Or, the "process[es] of changing or concealing one’s natural personality in order to 'fit in', or perhaps more specifically in order to be perceived as neurotypical".[2] 

But the terms still confused me. 

Masking and Camouflaging

As a biologist, I understand camouflage in the context of other animals, such as the chameleon, cuttlefish, and many butterfly species. Not so much Homo sapeins, which is primarily social camouflage. Masking and camouflaging are used interchangeably in popular books and even some of the research on autism. I wasn't happy with the ambiguous usage so developed definitions as mentioned above based on my own experiences. Until I found a webpage discussion regarding more precise and technical definitions. 

The CAT-Q 

Recent research on autism and other neurodivergent behavior has developed distinct subsets of camouflage, in which masking is one. Eva Silvertant's webpage  explains with detail and comments the subcategories -compensation, masking and assimilation- of camouflaging by neurodiverse people. 

Based on conversations with family members and fellow autistics, the how and why of camouflaging is different based on individual perception. Several have pointed out that nearly everyone does it in some degree and fashion. Yes, that is true. But the degree and consequences are different for neurodiverse people. (I often use the colloquial "conforming to the norm." (But, you may ask, 'what is normal?', which is a long topic of itself.)

As Silvertant explains, 

"Some extent of camouflaging is probably inherent to human interaction; we learn social skills to improve social interaction, we adhere to social conventions that may not make complete sense to us, and we adjust our behavior as the situation demands. For example, we tend to behave differently at work than at home. But for some people, the need to camouflage is a lot less superficial. Of course, the need to camouflage is proportional to how strange your behavior is perceived to be by your surroundings. And since autism is generally not very well understood by non-professionals—and even many professionals, honestly—it is us autistic people who find we often have a greater need to camouflage.

For other people camouflaging might mean acting, talking, and/or dressing a certain way in order to fit in with a social group of their preference. And while this probably pertains to autistic people as well, our need to camouflage tends to go deeper; because autistic people often have to camouflage their autistic behaviors, so as to minimize the visibility of one’s autism in social situations."

Silverton then discusses the how and why, and some of the consequences of camouflage for autistics. For example, when trying to explain to my family members why I can not handle hugs from people (other than my family) without suffering anxiety and emotional and physical recoiling, I realized they could not understand. What they did finally understand was why I apologetically make excuses to not attend big extended family gatherings and linger on the edges in social groups to avoid hugs. I now have decided to stop 'playing the game' and just politely tell people "I don't do hugs".

Researcher Laura Hall, et. al.[3] designed a questionnaire, the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q), that helped them develop a model of camouflaging with three categories:

1. Compensation — Strategies used to actively compensate for difficulties in social situations.
2. Masking — Strategies used to hide autistic characteristics or portray a non-autistic persona.
3. Assimilation — Strategies used to try to fit in with others in social situations.

The 25 items of the social camouflaging model are diagrammatically explained on Silverton's webpage and in the original published paper.[3] 

The CAT-Q questionnaire was validated  by others and it is purported by the researchers to be a "reliable self-report measure of adults’ social camouflaging behaviors, suitable for use in autistic and non-autistic male and female populations. It can be used in research settings to quantify camouflaging behaviors and compare between groups; in clinical settings as a potential screening tool for individuals who may be missed under current autism diagnostic criteria because they camouflage; and by autistic and non-autistic people to aid identification of beneficial or harmful behaviors they use in social situations." [3]

However important technical terms are in science communication, they can be confusing to the lay public. I can understand why using the two terms masking and camouflaging, rather than the three categories from the CAT-Q would be most efficient.  Regardless, the CAT-Q terminology should be a standard in autism research and professional publications.

In common use, it may be helpful to define masking and camouflaging more narrowly than to be used interchangeably. Thus far, the only book I have read that distinguishes between the two is Unmasking Autism: The Power of Embracing Our Hidden Neurodiversity, by Devon Price, PhD, autistic and a social psychologist.

Learning that many of my inherent differences and quirks in social communications and interactions are common amongst other neurodiverse people has more than explained my responses and behavior in the past. I regret my unwillingness to learn this earlier when I was in academia and where I experienced the most stigma about my neurodiversity. Now that I am retired and meeting more neurodiverse people on the autism spectrum and others like ADHD, I feel more free to be who and what I really am; a lot less masking and camouflaging, but also more relaxed when 'light masking'.  
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1.  That's part of my Asperger's: extremely focused on specific topics, mostly the living sciences. Which is why I became a scientist.

2. Silvertant, Eva, 2020/2023. Autism & camouflaging (pulled from the Internet 02/24/2024)

3. Hull, L, et al., 2018. Development and Validation of the Camouflaging Autistic Traits Questionnaire (CAT-Q),  Journal of Autism and Developmental Disorders.

Air Pollution is Us

The dangers of air pollution seem obvious and of concern to some, but apparently only a minority. How much of the apathy is attributed to "I don't care" or "I don't believe it", or both, is unknown. Yet, I see it on a daily basis. 

The most striking is the number of people that leave their gas-powered vehicles running while at stores or other business. On my walk to and from the gym, I pass cars parked on the sides of the street and in the post-office parking lot. It's more common than not to notice that most vehicle engines are on and running with no occupants in them. 

Out of curiosity, I timed 4 empty vehicles independently with engines running (1 at post office, 2 at a barber shop, 1 store parking lot). Vacancy time was 12-32 minutes. The other day 5 running vehicles parked at the post-office were backed into the lot with rear ends butting the sidewalk. Another time I walked passed an engaged car with a passenger in a store parking lot. ~Twenty-five minutes later when I exited the store, the car was still running with it's passenger. I see this year-round, not just seasonal.

I see this ALL the time! Imagine how much emissions are exhausted into the air. I notice during my walks on cold and gray days that the exhaust stays closer to the ground, not dissipating into the air above, and worse on windless days. What that means is that I'm breathing it the entire time I walk along the streets. I can smell and taste it. 

All this in a small rural town. Now, consider the expansion of this in cities and along major highways. This is why I don't like living in urban areas (as well as my hypersensitivity to noise). And it affects more than just us humans; it impacts all life forms. 

Here is an important factoid: a scientist discovered by stringent experiments that lead in the environment was almost nil until the beginning of the Industrial Revolution and increased every year. By sampling the permafrost in Greenland he found that the levels significantly increased in the 1950's, coinciding when lead was added to gasoline. Lead in gas was (is) volatilized in engines and emitted from tailpipes. Therefore, lead was deposited along streets and highways for decades. 

The dangers of lead were known decades before unleaded gas was introduced for on-road vehicles in the 1950's. Yet it took another 20 years for unleaded gas to be phased out completely. Lead use in gasoline was prohibited in the US in 1986.

The problems are: 

1. Lead is a heavy metal and stays in living tissues for some time, depending on how much and long an organism was exposed. High exposure (time and amount) can lead to the metal deposited and stored  in bones and teeth (the two common sources for sampling of lead contamination).

2. Bioaccumulation: lead from air pollution, etc can accumulate in soil and plants, and the organisms that use plants for food source. And lead can persist for hundreds of years.

"Lead shares about 10% of total pollution produced by heavy metals. The uptake of lead by the primary producers (plants) is found to affect their metabolic functions, growth, and photosynthetic activity. The accumulation of lead in excess can cause up to a 42% reduction in the growth of the roots."

Also, lead arsenate and other lead compounds were used as pesticides for food crops,  such as fruit orchards and on other crops, until the 1950s. But that lead in the soil is still there and being absorbed by plant roots. Sampling of plants along highways and streets demonstrate that plants absorb, and some sequester, lead from the air. (Avoid planting edible plants next to roads and highways.)

Pollution particles are not just lead, as this recent science article points out. Yet no one seems to care, considering the amount of pollution generated, knowingly and unknowingly, on a daily basis. Right under our noses.

"The damage that air pollution can do is wide-ranging and well-known: The chemicals produced by human activities can trap heat in the atmosphere, change the chemistry of the oceans and harm human health in myriad ways.

Now, a new study suggests that air pollution might also make flowers less attractive to pollinating insects. Compounds called nitrate radicals, which can be abundant in nighttime urban air, severely degrade the scent emitted by the pale evening primrose, reducing visits from pollinating hawk moths." ("Polluted Flowers Smell Less Sweet to Pollinators, Study Finds," Emily Anthes, New York Times, 2/08/2024)

 

Speaking Out

What convinces me that our species is 'doomed' (I wish I could avoid using that term, but can no longer deny the applicability) is the global pathological denial of the train wreck. Additionally, human civilization has already dragged down other species, and continues to do so at alarming rates.

As a scientist, I intellectually understand that denial is a defense mechanism to help cope with anxiety (coupled with explaining away problems and blaming others). Denial enables ignoring or refusing to believe an unpleasant reality, protecting psychological well-being in any situation that produces anxiety or conflict including challenges to one's standard of living or power status quo. But when one is looking into the jaws of a lion ready to bite off your head, or staring at the giant wall looming before the speeding train, denial no longer serves as a defense mechanism. Here I lose understanding, and I blame my science colleagues as much as the politicians and financiers that perpetuate the fuel of denial.

Most of the scientific community, including medical, is either in denial, or running to look for technological solutions rather than evaluate the root origins of our problems and address 'how we got from there to here.' Our politics, economics, policy, and, many times science are based on 'bandaid' cures. Put a bandaid on it, cover it up, and it will go away. Ignore the festering wound underneath; its origins, the process and interrelated changes of its development. Ignore the peripheral interacting relationships and far-reaching impacts. "Let's amp up production; don't pay any attention to consumption." "Give them a pill; who cares about prevention?" "Collect the species DNA and we can ignore life extinction."

At this rate, our civilization will collapse. As history teaches us, it will also arise again like the Phoenix. But perhaps a Phoenix with a limp. My sympathies and grief are for the non-human species on this planet. Their collapse and extinction is finite. And they have no concept of denial. The ubiquitous law of supply and demand is a part of population dynamics. The changing supply of resources -water, food, shelter- will trigger changes in population. I suspect that without modern industrial sustainment of large scale food production, water collection and long-distance distribution, human population everywhere will decline, possibly quickly collapse. Earlier civilizations, even other species, have experienced these cycles; we are not immune.

Sometimes I have to look beyond the doom and gloom and find specks of hope that we can change this trajectory. But my brain isn't convinced.